My husband has an obsession for my breasts. He has hinted at wanting an adult breastfeeding relationship with me. I told him I am not interested. He keeps bringing it up and placing adult breastfeeding links on our desktop. He also sends them to my email. He knows I will not look at them. He keeps wanting to talk about it. But I dot want to talk about it.
We have three boys 3,5,9yr. He has the boys talking about breasts, mostly mine. This morning when we went to the store, my youngest pointed at clerks breast and said look at those loving milk jugs.
How do I get him to stop?
He may have some underlying needs. For some guys. A woman’s breast is were they find comfort and relief from anxieties and stress. If you are unwilling to listen to him or talk to him about it, you are only feeding his obsession.
ReplyDeleteIgnoring him will only make it worse. Eventually he will reach out to others for help. He may even be tempted to find someone else to fulfill his need or desire.
It's like playing hard to get. In some cases, the more the woman plays hard to get, the more the man wants the woman. In a sense, you are playing hard to get with your breasts. And this may make him want them even more. His obsession for your breasts will only grow.
In 1 Corinthians 7:5 The bible says "Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
This means that if you deprive your husband Your husband may be tempted to cheats on you and you would be partly at fault. Because your husband is coming to you for his needs and you are depriving him of those needs.
The bible also says in Ephesians chapter 5:21-25 wives submit yourselves on to your husbands.
Philippians 2:3 “Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.”
Proverbs 5:19. A loving doe, a graceful deer-may her breast satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.
maybe If you gave in to his need, he may find it's not what he really needed and he may stop pushing or at least not want them as much. It doesn’t mean you have to lactate for him or even make it a daily thing. That’s for you two to work out.
In any case, you both need to talk and work it out together. Otherwise chances are things will get worse.
Clearly his needs are not being met and there is a communication breakdown.
ReplyDeleteIt seems he has expressed a need or desire but rather than talking about it and finding ways to satisfy those needs, you have chosen to ignore them. This will only encourages him to seek alternative ways to express his needs to you or seek other ways to satisfy them. You need to talk to him and listen to him
Sense you are not responding to him or his needs
He may be expressing himself and his needs through the kids. This is not good and it could get worse. If you are not acknowledging his needs, then you are also at fault. You need to find a fair solution that you both can agree on.
He may just be looking for a deeper form of intimacy or a way to spice up the marriage. Some people think they want an ABR, but when it comes down to it they find it’s not what they really wanted. Maybe Just a boob to find comfort with. Or just to have deeper intimate relationship with you.
But the only way you are going to find out is to talk to him and listen.
It sounds like his needs are not being met and he is trying to reach out to you through the kids. I agree this is not good.
ReplyDeleteBut you admit you are not willing to talk to him or look at what he is trying to show you. You also admit he is trying to talk to you. There for from what I have read and because he is trying to communicate his needs with you. The fault is mostly yours.
If you are unwilling to meet or understand his needs or he is unable to express them to you. And if he hasn’t already done so, He may start talking to friends, family, and coworkers. They will tempt him to find another person who will be willing to satisfy those needs that you are unwilling help him with.
I know this because I have gone through this with my wife. The temptations were there. At often my coworkers only made things worse. But still I never cheated.
There were times I did turn to her friends for help letting them know our personal life. This almost costed us our marriage. We did eventually go to marriage consoling which helped us communicate our needs to each other. For me it was my approach on the subject. I approached it in a mans view and understanding. As for my wife, her perception of what I was asking for was different then what I was asking for. She was looking at it through a women’s view and understanding men.
It was after a short prayer and a two and a half hour discussion did we finally understood each other and worked things out. We came up with a fair agreement and grew from there.
If you are not communicating in a fair and positive manner. Chances are things will get worse.
You may also want to do a some research adult breastfeeding relationships. It’s not necessarily as it sounds. But it may help you understand what your husband is asking for.
People who are in to this kind of relationship are into it for different reasons. Some for the emotional benefits, some for the sexual aspect, some for the intimacy and some for the health benefits that comes with it while others for other reasons.
Here are some links I found that may help
http://alternativehealthlifestyle.com/?p=126#more-126
http://www.landmilkhoney.com/
http://anrspace.com/
I hope this helps,
Jonathan.
Some women do not like anyone touching there breasts including there husbands. If you are one of there women, you may want to consider looking at other options.
ReplyDeleteIn our taboo American culture - most would not agree with this but.. There are many women who only want nursing partner without sex. They do it primarily for the health benefits and emotional. You may want to look in to that as an option for him.
http://abfsingles.net/
http://www.anrdating.com/
There are two sides to this story. We have heard your side. Is your husband the one talking to the kids or are you kids bringing this subject from there friends at school?
ReplyDeleteYou said you have a 9 yr old boy. At this age boys do talk about boobs and other things. From there your son could passes it on to his siblings.
My wife accused me of something similar. My son was talking about breasts at 8. He got most of this from friends at school. He did ask me about breasts. I answered him honestly but briefly. Later my wife asked him were he learned about breast. Of cores he said from dad.
As far as your husband wanting your breasts. I can’t say for sure why your husband is pushing you so much. But I do have to agree with some of the comments above. He is trying to communicate with you and you seem to be ignoring his need or desire. He may be feeling a sense of rejection. This may be why he is pushing so much. Some positive acknowledgement from you could help.
The thing I do not agree on is bringing this out side of the relationship. Though there are wet nurses out there for that purpose. Even though there would be no sexual engagement, this would most likely add a strain your relationship.
My hubby tried for years to get me interested. it wasnt till a couple years ago that i gave it a good effort. i am so glad he didnt give up. it is the best thing that has ever happened to us. i look back now and im sad at all the time i wasted, but grateful that he didnt give up on me. just talk to him and be willing to try. hopefully you will come around to seeing what you are truly missing.
ReplyDeletebest of luck
There are so many health benefits for adult breastfeeding. Adult breastfeeding can dramatically reduces the risk of uterine and ovarian cancer, reduces the risk of breast cancer, lessens osteoporosis, promotes emotional health, promotes weight loss, reduces the risk type 2 diabetes, reduces emotional stress, It encourages bonding and intimacy and these are just some of the reasons why so many people are in to adult breastfeeding.
ReplyDeleteSo if you think about it, God is encouraging women to keep breastfeeding. It is in so many places in the bible. Even extended breastfeeding and adult breastfeeding is encouraged in the bible. Look at the health benefits for breastfeeding. It’s a known fact that the longer you breastfeed the lower your risks. That is a clear sign God wants you to keep breastfeeding.
Even dry nursing has it’s benefits. But if you choose to lactate. There are many sites that will show you how it’s done even without being pregnant.
Right now your breasts and possibly the breasts of every woman he sees if probably taunting him. Knowing he is within reach of what he feels he needs but you are unwilling to let him have it. Must feel like torture.
In any case, what ever your reasons are. Make sure they’re not selfish ones.
God bless
I talked to my boys and asked them were they heard about breasts. My two youngest pointed to James (who is my 9 year old) and James said he and his friends sometimes talk about girls at school.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I got the point. But there is more to it that. He does have some issues. Still, I brought it up and we talked about it. The discussion lasted for only a few minutes.
He feels by me breastfeeding him will help him. I just can’t see how. He said I do not have to lactate for him. But he wouldn’t mind it ether.
Letting him play with and suck on my breasts during sex is one thing and in the past I have let him do that. But it is not the same as breastfeeding. I would feel awkward breastfeeding him. Even if it was only dry nursing.
I confirmed the quotes from the bible and even asked my pastor about them. He made it clear in 1 Corinthians 7:5 “Do not deprive one another.” doesn’t only mean sexually. It can also mean needs. My pastor also pointed out a few other things in the bible.
I love my husband vary much, but I don’t know if I can give him what he feels he needs. I haven’t looked at any of the sites yet. Maybe I’ll look at them later this week.
One of the things people tend to do Is to put on there fixit hats and tell others how to fix there problems or in this case issues. They tend to say what will and what will not work.
ReplyDeleteIf your husband is coming to you for comfort and support, then by all means give him comfort support. That is why God put you both together.
You have the God given gifts that he feels he needs. Even if it may be just a psychological placebo that helps him, then why not do it for him. You won’t know if it works unless you at least try.
Your right, breastfeeding is different then just playing and sucking on the breast. That’s why most adult breastfeeding couples do it outside of sex. This is much deeper and more intimate then sex. For some guys it is a sense of comfort and a place to relax. It’s how they feel loved, wanted or even needed. The same goes for women. For some women, it's how they feel wanted, needed and loved. Most women also get a sense of pleasure from it.
Breastfeeding is uncomfortable and for some women painful at first. But after awhile the pain and discomfort goes away and breastfeeding becomes a vary pleasurable experience. It just takes time and patents for your breast to adjust.
Yes, for most women it does seem somewhat awkward at first. I’m sure its even awkward for your husband. But his needs must be over powering the awkwardness he must feel. You must let your love over power the awkwardness you are feeling.
Let go of whatever holds you back and give it a try for a few months. At least this way your husband will see you are trying and he may be captivated by your love. Proverbs 5:19. A loving doe, a graceful deer-may her breast satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.
Hi Naomi,
ReplyDeleteI’m glad you decided to talk to your husband. Even though it was short, it was a start. It took a long time for me to understand, but one thing that really helped me was working in the nursery and new mothers unit. i got to see women nursing their babies all day long. It helped me realize what i was missing and it made me ache for it. My husbands persistance in pursuing it helped me fill that gap. It was a mental road block that i had to get past. I was worried what other people would think if they found out. now I realize the only way they can find out is if i tell them. Getting my milk was the more difficult part, but taking the domperidom has been a huge success. i love the feeling of being able to give my husband something that nobody else can.
have you ever considered dry nursing? That closeness and intimacy that you will feel is so rewording. You don't need to lactate for him to experience that. The milk has it’s perks, but dry nursing will provide almost all of the benefits he needs or desires. It will bring you both so much closer.
ReplyDeleteGive it a try. If you would be willing to try, I promise you won't regret it and who knows? you may begin to love dry nursing him so much, that you'll want to re-lactate for him. At least you’ll have piece in your house.
Naomi, do you have anything new to report? I'd love to hear if you and your husband have worked it out.
ReplyDeleteThis has not been easy subject for me. I am still trying to figure this thing out. I have been into a few support groups and sent emails to others. I read several sites on the subject and read a few personal stories. Some were romantic and some were vary sad. I spoke with a consoler yesterday and now I need to talk to my husband more about it. Other than that, nothings changed.
DeleteI have went in to a few different support groups and even talked to a consoler at church. So I thought about it and felt that if I don’t do something about it now, I will most likely regret it later.
ReplyDeleteI needed to know exactly what he was expecting and why he felt it would help him. I brought up the subject and we talked about it for almost an hour. He was so excited with just the fact that I was talking to him about it. That before he left for work the next morning, he made me breakfast in bed.
That next day I looked over my notes and thought about what he had said. I figured if nothing else, sense he believes so much it will help him. This might work as a placebo. Along with what others have said, I made my decision and figured, I’ll do it but only under conditions.
* I will not lactate for him.
* He can suck on my breasts only three times a week, unless I am feeling generous.
* Only for 10 minutes. Again unless I am feeling generous.
* There must be signs of improvement.
* This is to be done outside of sex and in private.
If it turns into something more later, than it was meant to be. But for now, he was to take it or leave it. He agreed,
We started our sessions on Sunday July 15, 2012 and so far there have been some positive changes.
I eventually gave in more than I said I would. For awhile our sessions became more frequent, sometimes turning into sex. But most of the time it did not. Now our sessions have tapered off and he doesn’t bug me about it any more. I still allow him when he feel the need. But he doesn’t seem to need it as much. I am still not going to lactate for him and he’s okay with that.
My husband has regained a more positive attitude and there were some improvements with some issues he has. Some of the changes I have see in him so far makes me feel like I have done the right thing. I guess some of Gods greatest gifts truly are unanswered prayers.
All that time wasted and the unnecessary stresses could have been avoided if I wasn’t so stubborn. Now I have regrets for not listening to him earlier. My husband tried to tell me and I ignored him. I feel that by God answering my husband prayers, both our prayers were answered.
Even though I sometimes find this somewhat uncomfortable and annoying. I have to admit, lately there have been times I do enjoy our nursing time together and have found it to be relaxing.
I want to thank every one who commented on my Blogs. God bless you all.